Jack Runninger on Christmas Letters

Jack Runninger’s Christmas Letter.

 You may have noticed that I like to poke fun at Christmas letters.  Here’s an article on Christmas letters from Jack.  I think that we could classify parts of this as a Redneck Christmas Letter. 

 My friend Jack Runninger has written a book (along with Dan Winn, who I don’t know) called “Fixing Stupid”.  I  keep the book in my bathroom so that I can begin my day with a “Runninger chuckle”. Here is an excerpt from the book titled “Christmas Newsletters” that Jack wrote sometime during his attempt at becoming one of the oldest guys I know who can still walk.

CHRISTMAS NEWSLETTERS

By Jack Runninger

 Many of these newsletters are fine.  Particularly from close friends who are letting me know what has happened in their lives the past year

 The ones that irk me come from folks I really don’t know that well, and the ones that do nothing but boast about the accomplishments of their offspring, and go into detail about their health problems.

 The wife of a deceased distant relative, who I’ve never met, sends me a Christmas two page single spaced bragging newsletter every year.  As best I can tell, none of her children or grandchildren have as yet received a Nobel Prize.  However, this seems to be about the only honor they haven’t achieved.

 In addition to the description of all the remarkable things they have accomplished over the past year, she further brightens my holiday season with a detailed history of her surgeries and health problems during the previous year.

 In the spirit of Scrooge, I have often been tempted to send her the following newsletter, but have never had the guts to do so:

 “We’ve had a real good year since last Xmas.  We’re right proud of our granddaughter, Lavonia.  She was elected president of the sophomore class!  It’s the first time in the history of the school that anyone has been elected president of the sophomore class three years in a row.

 “Our eldes son, Ezra, received a reward for good behavior.  It got him out of prison two years early.  And we’re right proud of our baby granddaughter, Tessie Lou.  She was selected as the poster child for the Zero Population Growth movement.

 “Also, you may remember our youngest son, Clem, who was an unwanted child. He’s really come up in the world.  Now he’s wanted in 12 states!!  Our youngest daughter Rachel Lou has graduated from high school in just three terms—Clinton’s, Bush’s, and Obama’s.”

 I may also describe my hemorrhoid surgery in detail (no pun intended).  That ought to brighten her holiday season as much as she brightens mine.

 

Jack Runninger's book "Fixing Stupid" available on Amazon
Jack Runninger’s book “Fixing Stupid” available on Amazon

 

 

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If you live in or around the northwest Georgia area and would like to have a consultation with johntheplantman, you may contact John Schulz by email at

wherdepony@bellsouth.net .  Do not send pictures or attachments as they will be deleted.

 

As usual, I would just love for you click here to go to Amazon and purchase the ebook edition of my wonderful book, Requiem for a Redneck to go on your Kindle. I have also noticed that Amazon now has a free Kindle app for iphones and tablets. Is that cool or what?

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Published by John P.Schulz

I lost my vocal cords a while back due to throat cancer. The laryngectomy sent me on a quest to find and learn to use my new, altered voice. I am able to talk now with a really small and neat new prosthesis. My writing reflects what I have learned in my search for a voice. My site johnschulzauthor.com publishes a daily motivational quote and a personal comment. I write an article a week for my blog, johntheplantman.com which deals with a lot of the things that I do in the garden. I am also the author of Requiem for a Redneck and the new Redemption for a Redneck--novels portraying the lives and doings of folks around the north Georgia hills. I have an English Education degree from the University of Georgia and very happily married to the lovely Dekie Hicks. You may enjoy my daily Quotes and Notes at http://johnschulzauthor.com/

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